Dogtags and Wedding Bells

Wow. It's been a while.

2011-03-27T16:31:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been 9 months since I last posted. Shit, I could have had a kid since then. I didn't, but I'm just saying...

What a trip! So I went back to St Jean 4 July 10 and reported back to WPC - awesome, time on warrior, just what I need right? Actually, it was exactly what I needed. I didn't go to AWT. I went to WFT and worked my ass off. I was so lucky, really, I had the absolute BEST PSP staff in the country. No Lie. They pushed me - but they also respected my injury and my recovery process. I went from only being able to run to level 3 on the expres test when I got back to running to level 5.5. In 8 weeks - that's fantastic. I can run now with no pain. I never thought I'd be able to say that.

On 6 Sep 10 I got on platoon. It was a WPC platoon, and oh buddy did I have some personality conflicts with some of my staff. Ouf... what a mess. I survived it all. The obstacle course, the BFT, Farnham... I did it. I graduated 9 Dec 10. It didn't even hit me that I didn't have to go back to St Jean, until I was in Borden for two weeks.

This Friday 1 Apr 11, I graduate from my QL3 course. I'm a full fledged member of the Canadian Forces now. I can't believe it. I mean, I do believe it, but it's been such a long time coming that I think I'm in shock. How crazy right? I'm a QL3 qualified RMS Clerk. It's such an amazing feeling - all I want to do is dance.

I hope that I can live up to everyone else's expectations of me, as well as my own.

I love my life.

Also, I've been working on my French, and I'm planning to get my profile testing done soon.

In other news....

2010-06-22T23:59:00.003-04:00

St Jean sur Richelieu made it on Monopoly Canada in the Park Place spot. First thought that came to mind? Are you fucking kidding me? Second thought? GO St Jean! WOO! hahahaha How lame am I? Cheering for a place that I refer to as prison.

Back and forth....

2010-06-22T23:58:00.000-04:00

I know that nobody ever said life should be easy. I know this. I really can't help but wish that it could be just this once. I have to go back to St Jean in 10 days. 9, really considering the day is almost over. I feel nervous, nauseous, heck, even scared. Today, I'm having some pain around the fracture site, which I'm told is normal and to expect some pain now and then. It's nothing that won't be helped with a couple advil or tylenol. I just hate the stiff feeling that my knee gets every now and then. It's frustrating.

I was in physio today and we went for a run afterwards - God how I hate running in this humidity. I was sucking wind BAD after only 10 minutes. I don't run fast to begin with - and this was just another reminder that I need to get my ass in gear. Pronto. Did a practice run for the expres test Monday... let's just say if what I did on Monday counted for anything I'd be fucked. But since it doesn't, I'm just going to use it as a jumping off point. Now I know where I am vs. where I need to be.

I don't have as much anxiety as I used to. My nightmares have stopped almost completely. I will say though, that I'm a little nervous how it's all going to play out once I get back there. Wondering if I'm going to start having anxiety attacks when I go back there. I still have the occasional flashback - and it's just a jolt of pseudo-reality I guess. It's still the reason I get scared though. I don't want to hurt myself again, and sadly, my faith in my instructors has been shaken. I felt like they let me down in a big way. Much like I let myself down. Disappointment for me all around I suppose.

Regardless, 9 more days and I'll be in St Jean. NOT looking forward to it, but it's a necessary evil. I hope I can get back to where I want to be quickly and I'm trying to get my head back in that place - but it's not working well. Some days it works better than others. BLARGH!!!!!!!

Where is that brave, grab life by the balls girl I was last year?? Can she come back? I am not liking this whiny, scared chick I've become. Yoohoooo T!! Where the hell are ya?

If you see my former self, tell her I'm looking for her and need her back.

Yay!

2010-06-21T22:33:00.000-04:00

Got my fit chit today! For any of you all who don't know, it means that I have been cleared by my med staff - Orthopedic surgeon, physiotherapist, and my PA, even my psychologist says I'm ready. So I am - according to everyone - good to go!

V-2
CV-1
H-1
G-2
O-2
A-5

uh huh uh huh uh huh

commence happy dance!

11 days til St Jean

MEL's, physio, leaving again.

2010-06-16T19:31:00.000-04:00

Well, the time is fast approaching. I go back to St Jean in 16 days. I'm nervous. Scared shitless really. Yes, it's the obstacle course still. Sheesh.

On the plus side, on Monday I'm getting my MEL (Medical Employment Limitations) lifted. Well, pending I pass a couple of little tests to test my ligament strength etc. I'm sure I'll have no problems there. I'm excited too. I really want to get this phase of my career out of the flipping way. I just want to go and do my BMQ and my 3s, get posted, and get on with things. This is ridiculous. Urgh.

Ah well. Plus side is I've been doing the p90x thing and the plyometrics workout has been helping a LOT. I'm getting stronger and better. I just want this whole process over with.

16 more days.

....and I Raaaaan

2010-05-17T23:23:00.002-04:00

I ran up a hill today!!!

I even sprinted.

And I skipped.

And did a sideways shuffle.

And it didn't hurt.

I mean, I'm feeling it now.

But it didn't hurt then.

Feeling more confident now.

Not as scared.

Almost ready for this.

Bring on physio tomorrow!!!!

Can't wait.

A Change Will Do You Good!!

2010-04-19T13:26:00.000-04:00

Found this out over the last few weeks.

I've changed. I'd say for the better. I've done a lot of reflecting and looking inward at myself. I haven't always been a good person. Sometimes I've been downright mean. It took something that was meant as a joke (and still is BTW) to really notice the change that has occurred within myself.

Where I used to actually enjoy cutting people down, I recognize as a sign of my own insecurity. Where I would laugh at the failings of others, I recognize the fear of my own failure. Where I found myself being angry at the successes of others (as petty as it may be, it's true), I recognize the anger at myself for not following through on my dreams.

Today, I know what it means to be truly happy for another person. I know that when I see friends moving forward with their lives and reaching their goals, the tears that well in my eyes are happy tears. Today, I look at myself in the mirror and I feel more confident. I know what is important to me. I know what I want in my life. More importantly, I know what I don't want in my life. I used to thrive on drama, it seemed to make things more interesting. Now I realize that it was only deflecting attention away from the things that really matter. My family, my friends (the real ones), and my career.

I no longer want or need extra drama in my life, lord knows I have enough of it with a 14 year old running around. I've also realized that the amount of material possessions I want or even need has shrunk drastically.... well, with the exception of clothes and shoes, I could fill my entire room with those. I guess you could say that I want to totally eliminate all the physical and psychic clutter. I know that's a huge task, but I think I'm up for it. I want to get rid of all the junk that we have accumulated - the stuff that really IS junk. I have the philosophy now that if something IS that important a memory for me, I will take a picture of it. But if, when I get my camera out and don't even want to waste the space on my memory card, it's time to get rid of that item. Same goes for "friends" that aren't really contributing to my life, and I'm not contributing to theirs. Why waste each other's valuable time and energy?

That's what it's about really. Knowing what you want to spend your energy and time on. It's not about quantity, but quality.

I also know the things I'm really thankful for. My husband, for being ridiculously awesome, even when he really didn't have to be. My kids, for providing hours of entertainment, despite the corresponding hours of utter frustration. My friends. Jillian, Kris, Venus and Angee, for listening to all my issues and letting me get it out, and Jillian and Venus especially for letting me get silly/ stupid when I need to. Dan and Mike for believing in me; and Mike, I'm going to hold you to coming back to St Jean with me as an instructor buddy. Hope your career manager will cooperate. I'm also really thankful that the leg is healing properly and that I am actually able to run again. My former platoon-mates Robert, Chris P, Gareth, Caroline, Adam, Chris. R, Mike D, Mike F. Thanks for the love guys. Miss you, and I'm sorry I missed your grad parade. For anyone I haven't personally mentioned, I apologise. You ARE in fact important to me... but I could go on for pages about what I love about all of my friends and family.

81 days to go.

2010-04-12T11:26:00.000-04:00

I have 81 days before I leave for St Jean again.

Almost a full year since I left for the first time.

At least I know I'm not the only one who's spent a ridiculous amount of time there. And that there are people who have been there longer than me.

I have a lot left to do.

Finish physio - which apparently is going to include a bosu ball class (don't know when we're going to fit that in, but whatever)

Lose about 15 pounds - uniforms fit, but I feel like a sack of poo and I want to lose all the weight I gained when I came home.

Practise jumping off stuff. Will start small. Promise.

Get the oil changed on the civic. (nothing to do with me personally, but it's on my to do list)

Who's the real hero here?

2010-03-28T01:22:00.000-04:00

I have to say that it's taken me a little bit of time to be able to write coherently about this, but I think I'm there now.

I don't know what annoys me more. The desire of a group of university professors to take away a scholarship that would help the children of Canadian soldiers who were killed in action, or their need to politicize and demonize the government every chance they get.

Sixteen U of R professors have signed a letter denouncing the program as "a glorification of Canadian imperialism in Afghanistan and elsewhere. We do not want our university associated with the political impulse to unquestioning glorification of military action."

How exactly does Project Hero - the name of the program that was started by the University of Calgary and adopted by the University of Regina "glorify Canadian imperialism and military action"? I need to know this.

But the real question is, why is it such a bad thing for the children of fallen soldiers to be offered a university education?

Scholarships by definition are exclusionary, so you can't use that excuse.

There are scholoarships available for women in business. What about the men?
There are scholarships for athletes. Scholarships for exceptionally high marks in academics, and expanding on that, for people who are going into very specific fields of study.
There are scholarships for aboriginal students. There are scholarships offered by a number of private special interest groups that are meant to provide a leg up for a specific group of students. How are any of these any different from Project Hero?

Did you also know that the Royal Canadian Legions' different branches offer bursaries and scholarships to children of veterans, not just fallen soldiers? There's also a similar program offered through Veteran's Affairs Canada.

Another thing, who is the real hero named in this project? Is it the service member who lays down his or her life - or is it the family of that service member who is left behind to carry on? It's a matter of perspective really.

from dictionary.com By definition - and for all intents and purposes we are referring to #s 1&2

Hero – noun,plural-roes;
1.a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
2.a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal.
3.the principal male character in a story, play, film, etc.
4.Classical Mythology. a.a being of godlike prowess and beneficence who often came to be honored as a divinity.
b.(in the Homeric period) a warrior-chieftain of special strength, courage, or ability.
c.(in later antiquity) an immortal being; demigod.
5.hero sandwich.
6.the bread or roll used in making a hero sandwich.

In my personal opinion, according to the definitions listed above, there are a number of heroes in this equation.

1. The service members who gave their lives in service to their country. In reference to the Afghanistan mission, we are talking about 141 men and women to date who died fighting the Taliban, on a UN sanctioned NATO mission.

2. The families of the fallen service members who hold their heads high in public and struggle to hold it together at home. Wives who will never again touch their husbands, children who won't have their father to play and laugh with as they grow up.

3. Finally, the universities who are offering these children this special opportunity. I personally think that this falls under the "noble qualities" part in the definition of a hero.

Who's the hero here? You decide.

Questioning myself and feeling a little lost.

2010-03-21T13:18:00.000-04:00

Nope, not on course yet. But it seems about time to catch up, so here goes.

Still dealing with the PTSD. It's not fun, and my confidence is basically shot. However, I refuse to give up. If nothing else than out of necessity. I'm not cool with rejoining the ranks of the unemployed. So for that I will suck up my fears, anxieties and insecurities and soldier on. I will graduate my BMQ. I will go on to my QL3 course and pass with flying colours. Then I will go back to life as normal, working at a unit, and really belonging there. I'm looking forward to that.

I did a cartwheel the other day. So that was a little bit of impact that I now know my leg can take.

But right now, I just need more motivation than the threat of unemployment. I need something to really bolster my self-confidence. At the moment, I feel like the new kid on the first day of school who got thrown on the rugby team because they needed a body. Scared shitless. Where the hell is the strong, confident, fearless chick I used to be? I feel lost. I hope I find myself soon.

.......And I'm back!

2010-02-22T15:48:00.000-05:00

Long story short, it's been a really good day.

Got to the HHR around 0830 ish, got my xray done, then went to see Dr Raymond. the nurse pulled up my xrays on the monitor - which of course I looked at. Stared at, more like. I am always enthralled with the sight of the inside of my own leg.

So, Dr Raymond comes in, has a look at my xrays.... a really, really CLOSE look. Then he gives me the best news EVER!! My leg is healed to his satisfaction and I don't have to make the trek to see him anymore. Unless I have any major problems. My god I was so happy to hear this - I couldn't even fake being sad when I went out to the car when Ken picked me up.

Basically I will have my fit chit as soon as I finish up my physiotherapy. Then I go back to prison, I mean St Jean, to resume my training on 30 June.

WOOOOO to the HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Ma.

2010-02-21T20:57:00.000-05:00

I miss you. It's been 4 years now since you've been gone. You know it still stings every time I think about it. It kills me to know that Sean will never have the chance to know you. I know you would have loved (and spoiled) him to pieces. All that blond curly hair you would have said reminded you of Matt, and how he gets into mischief you would have said reminded you of me. He speaks French, you know. Daddy Joe would have been pretty proud of that eh? He's quite the little spark plug. Full of energy, he is.

Jamie is getting so big! He's 14 now. Remember me at 14? Yeah. Karma is a bitch, haha. He's getting better though, says he wants to be a chef when he grows up. That should be interesting to say the least. And he is registering for high school on Wednesday night. Unbelievable. I could really use you right about now. I miss being able to call you - even if we didn't always agree about everything. I knew I could always get a laugh out of you when I'd tell you a Jamie story.

It's been a rough year Ma. Hell, a rough couple of years. What with Kenny deploying and everything that went on in St Jean, I really just needed my mommy. I'm not mad at you though. I know you and Da are happy now that you're together again - and I'm just glad that you're not in pain and suffering any more. You really didn't deserve that. I'm sorry I wasn't there with you at the end, but I'm glad I got to tell you that I loved you one last time.

I still do.

Happy birthday.

Well, here we are....

2010-02-21T20:37:00.000-05:00

*sigh*.... so I'm sitting here in bed, just getting ready for sleep since I have to be up stupid early tomorrow morning to go to St Jean. UGH. I'm scared. Really freaked out kind of scared. I want to just know what's going on with my leg instead of all this build up and false hope. I don't really even have any hope right now. I just want my leg to be magically better. It's been 6 weeks for Christ's sakes, it has to have gotten a little better right?

I have a busy day ahead of me..... and my goodness do I have a headache. Dreading tomorrow... every cell in my body is just screaming at me to go to sleep and wake up when my leg is better. But since that's damn near impossible, I'll just go to sleep and hope for the best tomorrow morning. Will write more when I have something to report.

Gory details... and photos!

2010-02-15T11:59:00.000-05:00

So in my morbid curiosity to find out what happened to my leg during surgery google and various orthopedic publications became good friends of mine.

So after I went into the OR, the nice anesthesiologist pumped some sort of delicious cocktail of narcotic and sleep inducer into my IV line. The last thing I remember was talking to the anesthesiologist with a bunch of syringes on a tray in front of me and she pushed one into my line. The next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room asking when the surgery was going to start.

In between that time (according to my research) the following happened.

Dr Raymond created an approximately 6" incision from the top of my knee to below my knee. Then my patella and patellar ligament was removed. Then, a hole was drilled into the top of my tibia to get to the marrow canal. I have this image of him with a bright green Black & Decker cordless going into my leg... After the hole was created, an instrument called a reamer would be used to gauge the size of the inside of my marrow canal, since the IM rod needs to be a tight fit. He then inserted a guide wire into my marrow canal, where the intramedullary rod would soon be placed. Once the guide wire was in place (through both breaks in my tibia) the IM rod was inserted. Now, inserted seems like such a gentle term to used. Perhaps being more realistic would be better. The IM rod was inserted into the top of my tibia, and then hammered down my marrow canal. The IM rod is a hollow titanium tube that allows the marrow to circulate within the canal, while stabilizing the broken limb. Once the rod was in place, FOUR screws were drilled into my leg. One at my distal (lower) third of my tibia, THREE at my proximal third (up by my knee). Once I was sufficiently put back together on the inside, my leg was stapled shut using 28 surgical staples. Oh the joy.

The rest is recovery history. Now, for photos!

Now, considering that I tractioned my own leg after the fall (it was bent about 15 degrees to the right) the displacement shown in the X-Ray isn't that bad.

*I am not endorsing tractioning your own broken limb. People do stupid crazy things when they're in a LOT of pain.

To the left are a selection of Orthopedic reamers... couldn't tell you for the life of me which type was used for my surgery.

To the right is the titanium alloy IM rod that resides in my tibia. Note that the pattern of interlocking screws are in the same pattern as in my leg, minus the second screw at the bottom.

To the left is the procedure (more or less) that was performed on my tibia.

These images were taken during my surgery, you can see the placement of the IM rod and the first and second screws. Note in the second image the retractor and someone's finger. Below, you can see the IM rod and the break.

Taken 17 Oct 09, two days after surgery. Note the little white squiggles are the staples that held my incisions together.

Taken 4 Nov 09.

Taken 2 Dec 09. In these images you can see a little bit of improvement. There was a lot of improvement for my 11 Jan x-rays in the distal third, but not the proximal. Hoping for a better x-ray on 22 Feb 10.

Again with the taking forever to post

2010-02-15T10:42:00.000-05:00

Sorry... I've been a little pre-occupied with everything that's been going on lately.

I can't believe it's been almost two months since I posted last. However, with the way things have been going, I just haven't felt up to it. On 11 Jan 10 I had an appointment with my orthopedist. Funny how my life seems to revolve around this man. All the optimism I had regarding my leg got flushed down the toilet when he showed me my X-Ray. Distal third of the tib/fib has a callus formation GREAT! Looks awesome. Proximal third of the tibia (the part with all the screws) no callus formation. FUCK!!!!!!! I know what this means before he even tells me. No going back to training at the end of January for me. Depression sets in. WHY won't my leg heal? Am I never going to finish my course? There are a lot of tears... and binge eating. I ate a gigantic piece of cheesecake. At least I didn't take up drinking.

Since my appointment in January there's been quite a few changes. For instance, I don't work at the Camerons anymore. I now work at NDHQ. I do paperwork all day, I do clerk stuff which is what I'll be doing if I ever get back to St Jean to finish my course. So I'm happy. I like the people I work with, and the environment except that the air is so dry.

I've also started seeing a social worker to deal with the PTSD I've been diagnosed with. It's gotten a lot better in the last month or so, but there are still days where I struggle. It's affected different parts of my life in different ways. I'm not as brave as I used to be, I'm a lot more cautious, and my confidence is pretty much shot. I guess you could say that my outlook has taken a complete 180 from one of absolute optimism to one of utter pessimism. It's not that I want to feel this way, but I feel like I can't do anything. Anything that I do accomplish doesn't seem to matter. I can jog now, not for very far distances, and it looks kind of ridiculous - but I can do it. It's just that I'm not where I want to be. For that I'm incredibly disappointed in myself.

In one week from today I go back to St Jean to see Dr Raymond again. I am hoping and praying that I have a better X-Ray than last time. I don't think I can handle much more disappointment. Wish me luck.

Ortho update.

2009-12-26T00:08:00.000-05:00

Okay okay, so I'm late in the updating.... it happens. I've been busy.

As of 4 December 09 I am no longer on the crutches. YAY! Walking on my own. Dr. Raymond said that my leg looks to be healing very well. "Great" even. So much so that he gave me the green light to do whatever my physiotherapist wants in order to get me back on track. He even said depending on my pain levels come my 11 January appointment he could sign me off to be fit/ full duties. Right now, I'm about 17 days away from that date and my pain is still pain. My knee is still wobbly, and I'm not totally satisfied with the "exercises" I do in PT. I've just started working on stuff to help rebuild my quad. Seriously?? That's a MAJOR muscle group that needs attention.

As it is, we'd better start going hard core once I go back to physio on the 4th because I simply don't have a lot of time (in my own head) to reach my goal. I have 60 working days from the time I started my sick leave to be ready for platoon and pick up where I left off and that's only the end of January, I don't know if I'm going to make it. I have a LOT of work to do between now and the time I go back to St Jean to get there.

All that aside, I'm looking forward to going back - though I dare say it should be interesting to return. I really really really do not want to go to AWT, there's nothing I will despise more than having to wear that fucking A on my chest. UGH. Stupidity really. I NEED to be fit/ full duties when I return so I do not have to go to AWT.

Time will tell.

... wait, is that a light?

2009-11-27T18:04:00.002-05:00

At the end of that tunnel?

Today at physiotherapy my therapist told me that she was really impressed with my progress. So much so that she said she thought that they would have to hold me back instead of pushing me to work harder. She also said that once I get my range of motion back in my ankle all I'm going to need her for is muscle building and strength training.

So exciting. I can't wait to see my orthopedist on Wednesday and see what all he has to say about it!

I take this as a really really good sign that I very well could be back on platoon for 22 February. Provided my leg can bear the extra weight. Dare to dream.

Soup Sandwiches.....

2009-11-23T20:04:00.003-05:00

Man..... it's been a long time. Sorry about that. Lots has happened since I had the opportunity to write last.

For one, I finally got back on platoon. What a great time that was.... it just sucks that it was so short lived.

For those of you who don't know, I broke my leg on the obstacle course on 14 October. What a terrible, fucked up day that was. My God. It still hurts me to think about it. Emotionally, I mean. Sure it hurts physically, but nowhere near as bad as it does mentally. It broke in three places; up near my knee, down near my ankle, and I broke my fibula. Needless to say, it fucked me up pretty good and got me off platoon. Sheesh.

I went through surgery 36 hours after my accident because I kept getting bumped for some reason that no one would tell me. And because of that - they wouldn't let me eat anything. Or drink anything. In fact, when the kitchen staff brought me food - accidentally - I ate as much as I could (about half a box of milk and a little soup) before the nurse came in freaking out saying that I wasn't allowed to have anything because I was having surgery. But she didn't know WHEN I was going to have it. Surgery was great - the last thing I remember was talking to the anaesthesiologist while she injected stuff into my IV and the next thing I remember was asking the nurse when the surgery was going to start (I was in the recovery room at this point). Awesome. Also, the drugs were great. Highly recommend Dilaudid for anyone experiencing extreme (like 14 on a scale of 0-10) pain. My broken leg hurt WAY WAY more than labour. And it lasts a whole lot longer too. Some of the nurses were utter bitches, and some were great.

Now, it's 5 1/2 weeks post op and I'm actually starting to walk on my own. Mornings are rough because I'm usually really really stiff but it's getting better and I wore high heels for the first time today. Only for about 5 minutes - but I liked it and it felt good. I go back to the orthopedist next Wednesday and then to the MIR the following morning. I don't take any pain meds anymore except for the occasional acetaminophen or ibuprophen.

Now, what does this all mean for my military career, you may ask. Well, for now, it has simply stalled my training. I'm doing OJT while I heal and wait and wait and wait for my physio appointments. Once I am back up to 150% I go back to platoon and kick this stupid course's ass. Then off to my trades training and into the real world.

It's just the tiny thing of getting over my fear of the obstacle course.... that's all. Hope I can do it.

Sweet success

2009-09-06T13:27:00.002-04:00

So, I'm home on leave for the weekend, leaving for St Jean again tomorrow around lunchtime. Man, weekends go by way too fast. Especially when you're trying to enjoy what little time you have.

Anyway.... on Thursday (3 Sept) I did my CFExpres Test again... and PASSED. Thank God. Now I get to sit on WFT 3 waiting for a platoon to open up.

I'm kind of sad though for my friends going to a french platoon, they have to wait til October and even then, hope there's space enough for them. It sucks really. Just to be biding time until a space opens. But I guess that's the name of the game....

Things are going well though, at least on my end, lost about 14 pounds. Gained a bit of muscle, and my strength and endurance have increased. YAY for that.

St Jean is a strange place... entertaining, stressful, strange.

WO Pelletier, Sgts Moran and Déziel, Cplc Delongue Epee - (don't know if you'll see this but) you're fantastic staff. Motivating, entertaining, just excellent. I have the utmost respect for you all. You rock my green wool socks. I know I speak for everyone in WFT 1 who is going to phase 3 - we will miss you when we leave for platoon. But we won't miss the trailers.

... well, that's it for now. 'til next time.

T

hmmm self fulfilling prophecy much?

2009-08-09T18:03:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am... St Jean - aka the Mega. Things could be better I suppose, but they could also be sooooo much worse. It's been ummm intertesting to say the least. So, I choked on my PT test. Yeah.... I feel totally awesome for that. Here I sit in WFT, feeling like a big loser. The comments that I and my compatriots get at times are lovely.

You know, the stigma of simply being on "warrior" platoon isn't enough... No. We also get to wear a huge ass W on our chests. It's pretty sweet, really.

Before you start with the "T, stop with the whining...". Yeah, I'm whining... But primarily it's simply because. I am ridiculously dissapointed in myself. I expected better from me. So now, I work my ass off, working out. The PT is difficult to say the least, and I can honestly say I thought for sure I was going to die this week. I didn't, thankfully... But now I have to wonder what this week is going to bring. Probably more pain, if anything.

Keeping a good attitude has been especially difficult. There seems to be a predominant air of negativity in the WPC. It's almost unavoidable... Must try to think more positively. It's just hard sometimes, when it seems to be every man/woman for him/herself. I hope that I can progress quickly. It's a new week now, so maybe I can go headlong into Monday.

We shall see.

Until then, T

Thank God for Google!

2009-07-20T14:14:00.003-04:00

I screwed up my security clearance form. You know, that form where they want to know every bit of information about you for the last ten years of your life? Yeah. Totally messed it up. It was a disaster.

Thank God a couple of keystrokes and voila! New form - and I was able to fill it out on the computer and print it off. Yay.

The little things that make me happy. :)

So I'm Really Doing This.....

2009-07-19T10:36:00.002-04:00

I'm really leaving for basic in a week from today.

I feel sick to my stomach, I'm so nervous. I think I'm in panic mode. I can't believe I'm actually going through with this after all these years. I mean, I'm happy about it, don't get me wrong. I'm just really fucking nervous. Like, oh my god, I want to throw up - my stomach is doing flip flops - nervous.

Call it separation anxiety, call it abject fear, call it what you want, I am scared shitless. I am treading into the unknown and I am petrified that after all the prep work I've done that I'm going to fail. It's not a fun feeling. I have a LOT of support from my friends and family members - which I greatly appreciate. I just have to get into a better headspace, because right now, I don't have a lot of confidence in myself and I need that when I get there because I'm not going to have my friends & family there backing me up. Sad that at 31 I need a cheerleading section to get me through this.

There are just so many scenarios going through my head. Like, I'm going to somehow fail at the pushups. I hate pushups. A lot. But I know I can do them. What if the PSP staff fail me because my form isn't good enough? What if I don't go down far enough? I hate doing pushups in front of people - I feel like an absolute tool. And to be punted off my course because of them, well, it'd be embarrassing.

I'm nervous about leaving my family. How will the baby react? Will Ken feed them properly? ugh. How am I going to cope being away from everyone for so long? I've never been away from the baby for that long, I mean, it's been just me and him for his whole life. Now I'm leaving for weeks at a time. It's hard. But I think it would be even harder if Ken and the baby were dropping me off instead of me driving myself.

Gah. I need to stop thinking. Stiff drink perhaps. Maybe just get out and relax for a bit. I need something to take my mind off this.

Eleven and 23

2009-07-03T16:30:00.002-04:00

That's how many days are remaining until I swear in AND until I leave for BMQ. I'll be the first to admit, I'm scared shitless. I've been wanting this for, oh, 14 years now. Now that it's finally happening, well, I'm a bit in shock. Yes, this is really happening, and YES I'm really going to have to do this now. WHAT THE HELL? I'm freaking out. Am I too old for this? What am I getting myself into. I'm going to miss my kids and my husband and my dog .... and my comfort zone. This is going so far outside my zone it's ridiculous.

The stupid thing is, the thing that worries me the most is just doing the push ups and passing my expres test. And the swim test. Lord almighty that scares the bejeezus out of me. I hate going over my head in the water. Don't get me wrong, I can do the push ups, but I feel like the biggest tool doing them in front of people. Hell, I JUST started doing them at the gym instead of just at home to try and combat that. And I worry about my form, and that the PSP people are going to be a big bunch of push up Nazi's in that I'll do 78 push ups but to them I'll only be on like 2 or 3 because they don't like my form.

The head games I can manage, I know it's all going to be a big mind fuck. I'm aware of that. Hell, bring it on. I worked retail AND did call center work for the majority of my career. If that doesn't prepare you for mind games nothing will. I just want to get past the expres test. I have it all built up in my mind that it's this huge deal and I'm going to suck at it or something. The more likely thing that will happen is that I'll do my express test, pass it with no problem, then throw up afterwards due to me stressing myself out.

Pray for me and my sanity over the next few weeks, I'm going to need it. While you're at it. Add in for a little extra upper body strength too please. ;)

Finally!!

2009-06-01T12:37:00.003-04:00

The day has come... or, shall I say, the phone call. No doubt some of you have read this multiple times elsewhere as I've been practically shouting it from the rooftops.

I got my job offer this morning at 1024. OH MY GOD - Finally. Cpl ******* went over all the details with me and my heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty and I was trying my hardest not to giggle. And that part was hard let me tell you.

To some, I may not seem the type to giggle all that much but let me assure you - I was, and still am pretty damn giddy.

I swear in at the RC on 14 July and then start BMQ on 27 July. I am thrilled!! I still have a little time to spend with the family and to finish getting ready for basic (aka getting my fat-ish ass to the gym). Ah! I am so happy this part of the process is finally over! Now the hard part starts.

Wish me luck!! I'm too excited to be any more coherent.

Still nothing... just minor updates

2009-05-24T12:57:00.002-04:00

So my file manager is deployed.... it's awesome. I'm here waiting wondering what the hell is going on and she's 10000km away. I only find this out since I went into the recruiting centre personally on Friday morning.

Apparently though my file is "in the pile waiting to be loaded"and I should be getting a call "very soon". Whatever the fuck* that means. Yeah, I'm super duper impressed.

Sure, I appreciate the extra time with the family, but the not knowing is annoying to say the least. I'm hoping against reality that "very soon" means sometime before month end. -insert maniacal laughter here-

I would just really like to get this dog and pony show started already.

*can you tell I'm irritated?

The End....

2009-05-09T22:19:00.003-04:00

It's not only nigh - it's passed.

We are into a new beginning. That's right ladies and gents, he is home. FINALLY!

The hubby came home on 29 April 09 at 2200hrs. I was so happy, though not as teary eyed as I expected to be. Perhaps it's because I know this is just a brief respite until my as yet to be determined departure, or maybe it's because I didn't have so much upheaval this go round. Either way, things are good. I'm happy and for now, all is right in the world.

We're enjoying his block leave, and with the kids in school and daycare it's kind of like we're dating again (adding in the house work and responsibility though). It's good times. Really good.

Thankfully, this is the last deployment (on his part anyway). I'm interested to see what the next 12 months brings (hopefully all good things - I'll keep you updated!).

Finding comfort at WalMart

2009-04-27T22:02:00.005-04:00

I know, I know, it's the bane of the existence of independant shops, grocery stores and specialty stores. It's also a happy place. Before you think I've lost my mind let me explain.

Life in a military family means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. The one thing that remains the same is this. At some point, you're going to move. Some of us move more often than others. It's because of this that we learn to adapt and overcome obstacles. Be they language barriers when moving to a new part of the country (Eastern Ontario anyone?), to just plain feeling like the new kid on the first day at school. The first few days/ weeks can be pretty lonely. Moreso if you're not living on base. There's no instant sense of community - no neighbour eager to kidnap you to take you for a cup of tea to help you get accustomed to your new surroundings.

That's why I'm glad for Wal Mart - and businesses of it's type. You see, moving halfway across the country is daunting enough without having to seek out a place to eat, or replace the pillows the kids threw up on halfway between Rivière-du-Loup and Montréal. Sure, you're probably not going to make lasting friendships on the way to wherever you're going - but you'll always have a little bit of home with you.

Enter Wal Mart, or Zellers, Tim Horton's, McDonald's, or any number of chain stores. It's strangely comforting to know that when you finally stop for the day or are taking a break after a long day of trying to get everyone settled, you can walk into any of these establishments and there is an instant degree of familiarity. You can order your usual, and it tastes just like back home (or your last posting). Or you walk down the third aisle on the left and voila! peanut butter - right where it's supposed to be and on your way out the door you have this stupid smile on your face because at last -finally- something was easy.

Travelling...

2009-04-24T00:46:00.002-04:00

I love travelling. Even if it's not me doing the travelling. This is going to be the longest week ever.

Beers in the fridge? Check!
Pizza Hut on speed dial? Check!
Baby sitter for a night out? Check!
New sheets? erm...
Finished Bathroom renovation?... not so much but I'm hoping it'll be done by the time he's here.

Can't wait to pick him up. Ah to be normal again - if only for a little while.

Application update

2009-04-14T00:52:00.002-04:00

So, I called my file manager last Tuesday. Nothing is really different, just wanted to confirm somethings. My application is still good to go. I didn't expect that to change, and my medical is still good until July. That kind of doesn't make sense to me. Serving members of the CF only have to do their medical once per year, so why does your enrollment medical only stay good for six months.

Confirmed for myself with my file manager that there is not going to be any BMQ courses running through the month of May. Which means that I won't be going anywhere until early June at least. Hopefully, I'll get loaded on the early June BMQ. If I can continue and meet my timings/ goals for everything (and in my fantasy land) I may get loaded on the Sept 17 QL3 for 836. A girl can hope right?

Anyway - I think that's it for me... for now.

almost.... alllllmost.

2009-04-14T00:32:00.002-04:00

Time is ticking down, we're almost done. I can't wait. Again, I find myself hoping things don't get weird. Especially considering we don't have a lot of time together. For now - I'll just be optimistic and look forward to homecoming. Though it will be a while still before things are back to "normal".

Right now, I'm just trying to design his welcome home sign. I know it may seem lame/cheesy to some - but - hell, after 16 months apart I'll allow myself a little lameness.

I can't wait to find out what time he's coming in - make it a lot easier to decide to get a sitter or not. May just put the baby to bed early and let Jamie watch the house while I go get him.

I feel almost giddy. We'll see as we get closer to the date the extent my giddyness will reach.

People need to relax. Seriously.

2009-04-03T08:13:00.003-04:00

Since Canadians were made aware of the utter stupidity that is that show with that idiot on that stupid news network, people have been UP. IN. ARMS! (I'm SURE you've heard of this debacle by now. If not, welcome back from that cave you've been living in!)

No, I am not posting a link, youtube video or anything that associates with that show. They've gotten FAR too much attention as it is.

Yes, what was said on that show was tasteless, disrespectful and downright ignorant. Not to mention very badly timed. What with the loss of four of our soldiers just a few short days after it was taped. Nevermind the 112 soldiers we lost previously.

However, I don't see this as something to get overly excited about. Yeah, I was pissed when I first watched it. Really pissed. Like wanting to give them all a swift boot to the neck. Having calmed down a little I've been able to think a little more rationally and have come to the following conclusion about this whole mess.

1. The show is on at 3am. Who is up that late that watches that garbage?? - Infomercials are on before it!

2. It's on that stupid news network - does anyone with half a brain watch that stupid news network? I get more information reading the free French Newspaper that gets delivered to my house every Friday. AND I don't speak French!!

3. By continuously mentioning this idiot's name and the name of his show - you are giving them FREE PUBLICITY!!! That's right folks, you're giving the show and it's host all the attention they crave. Just like a naughty toddler, any attention they get - good or bad is still attention. So all that FREE advertising you're giving them may just cause more people to watch the show - simply out of curiosity.

Way to go!

Just let this idiot and his pals fall by the wayside. At the end of the day - they are entirely unimportant. Don't make them more important by giving in to their attention whoring ways.

One more thing; do NOT expect a proper or even satisfactory apology from any of the "panelists". It's not going to happen, you may as well take the half-assed, insincere, canned apology for what it's worth.

But that's just my 2 cents.

deployment diary - Entry 7 almost there

2009-03-07T13:28:00.002-05:00

Well... we're getting closer to the end. What a crappy journey this has been! Deaths and stress and all sorts of crap. I'm glad it's almost done but we're not out of the woods yet so to speak. The anticipation however is building... and the closer we get the more excited I'm getting. I'm really looking forward to having my husband back - even if it's only for a little while until I have to leave for basic training.

*sigh*

I can't wait for everything to get back to normal... so lets see..
Ken getting back from A'stan
Me leaving for St Jean and BMQ and then CFSAL for my 3's
Ken's 6A's in Borden

hmm that should take us to mid Feb/ early March 2010.

.... and then we'll get posted. LOL!!!!

Some pics.

2009-02-24T19:58:00.005-05:00

I'm on a kick for wedding pics.. so I thought I'd post a couple. Yeah - they're 2.5 years old, but what the heck. I looked pretty darn good that day.

Teeny update

2009-02-16T23:44:00.002-05:00

Called my file manager today - love her!

I'm in. She's just not merit listing me til the new fiscal year because I won't be able to leave til May and it wouldn't make any sense to ML me now, so close to FYE. So from what she tells me, I'll get listed, an offer, sworn in and off to St Jean (or whereever) pretty quickly. And I will only do NETP if I get posted to a Naval base. YAY!

No SQ for me-ee, no SQ for me-ee, no SQ for me-ee.

YAY I don't suck!!

deployment diary - Entry 6 - I'm so over this.

2009-02-16T11:24:00.005-05:00

You know, I hate to sound like I'm whining. I really do. But MY GOD am I sick to death of this deployment. It's not because my life's been in limbo for the last 13months. It hasn't. Life has gone on, and I've been pretty darn busy to be honest. But that's just it. Life has gone on. Like everything is normal. Everything is NOT normal. I am NOT a single parent. Nor do I want to be. I'm so over talking to him on webcam - the crappy connection and delayed video etc can be annoying. Funny sometimes yes, but annoying.

I'm so over being alone. Aside from my awesome friends - I get no adult interaction. It is slowly killing my brain. I used to be smart. Now, I barely know what day of the week it is. (today IS Monday - right?) I just want to feel like a real married person again - even if only for a short while until I go away.

I'm just sick of everything in general. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of raising my kids by myself. I'm sick of cleaning up after the goddamned dog. I'm sick of being involuntarily celibate. REALLY REALLY sick of that. I'm sick of making supper and nobody eating it. I'm also sick of making supper and it being gone before I can have any. I can't freaking catch a break.

**********************************************************

Also, I want to know what the hell is going on with my application. I understand that they can't really offer me a job until it's closer to the time that I can go, being that the fiscal year is aproaching and will change over before I can leave. But I'd just like some idea of when. Which BMQ course I'm going to get loaded on. Just so I can mentally prepare. Psych myself up to know I'm actually in and leaving and not going to get a letter saying "sorry, you suck, we don't want you". That would blow - big time. Bleh - frustration. In the meantime, I guess all I can do is keep going to the gym and prepare the only way I know how. Hooray.....

No sympathy.

2009-02-09T23:24:00.003-05:00

Had read a post today where a woman in the mommy group I'm part of was "lonely" after dropping her husband at the train station. He's gone away for his job - for five whole days. As much as I wanted to be all, "aw, I"m sorry, he'll be back before you know it".... I couldn't. Aside from HLTA and pre-deployment block leave I haven't spent any real time with MY husband in over a god damned year. So, I'm sorry, but five days - give me a break. I can do five days standing on my head.

I know, it's not her normal to have her husband away all the time, and I appreciate that. But I just can't muster the sympathy for her. At all.

Hmm...

2009-02-08T12:58:00.002-05:00

So the past few days I've been thinking.. over thinking really, as I tend to do. I wish things would move faster. I'm sure they would if they could given my current circumstances. Mentally, I feel ready to go. Physically, eh, I'm getting there. My running is fine - no problems there. Sit ups - good to go. I'm just a little concerned for my push ups. Though I am still working on them. I have to be able to do a minimum 9 properly executed push ups. Not girly ones either. *sigh* I'm glad I still have 3 months of training left. Time to kick this shit hardcore. Well, at least it will be once I have Sean in daycare full time. Then I won't have to worry about the child minding time restraints. I'll be able to spend two hours there (working out) if I want to. So looking forward to that. As it is now I have two hours there, but that includes drop off time and locker room time. So, I guess really, it's a time management thing. If I showed up ready to work out that would shave 5 minutes of locker room time. Something to consider I guess.

Also, another thing I thought about, I'm just now at 30 years old making real female friends. It's weird. And a completely different dynamic from what I'm used to. I'm so used to having a lot of male friends. Grew up with almost all male friends. I have to wonder how that is going to impact my interaction with my platoon mates. I guess I think about who I'm going to click with and who I'm not. I worry, because I don't want to be the odd one out if I'm rooming with my female platoon mates. I'm not all about gossip and cattiness, and I worry that they will be. I don't say anything behind someone's back I won't say to their face. I am trying to keep an open mind and hope for the best. I mean, I may very well get along with everyone. It could happen.

I suppose I should stop worrying and just live in the now. This is what happens when left alone with my thoughts.

Other silliness.

2009-02-01T22:35:00.002-05:00

Figure if I'm going to go silly - might as well throw myself under the bus too.

The things he sends me.

2009-02-01T22:18:00.001-05:00

Ken emailed me this last night. Thought I'd inject the little bit of humour.

little update

2009-01-31T20:48:00.002-05:00

Called the Recruiting centre last Friday, 23 Jan. My application is done, medical is approved, ERC is completed and was just awaiting sign off by the Captain. Don't want to be a pain in the arse so I'll wait til mid Feb to check in and say hi - I'm still here.

So here I am, waiting for an offer. And going to the gym to work my butt off (and the rest of the jiggly bits).

*sigh* waiting and waiting.

The halfway mark.

2009-01-19T16:37:00.002-05:00

We've long since passed the halfway mark. I'd say we're more at the 3/5 mark. Which means he'll be home soon, and if I get my offer, I'll be gone soon too. So far I think I've fared pretty well. Haven't fallen apart or spent too much time crying over it. No point really. I mean, yeah, I get the "I don't know how you do it, I couldn't." and "Aren't you scared?". Of course I'm scared. But I have kids to raise and a house to take care of. I can't fall apart because I'm without my husband. Just as I would expect him to not fall apart while I'm gone.

That being said, I can't wait til he gets home. Not sure what we're going to do yet - though I do know I have to get on the daycare issue asap. Otherwise we're so screwed.

Countdown to homecoming is ON!!!

...continued

2009-01-13T15:35:00.001-05:00

Passed my vision form in, and gave my "sample". I am guessing it's a good thing when the strip doesn't change colour at all.

Now, I wait. And try not to overthink everything.

And the journey begins....

2009-01-10T21:21:00.002-05:00

well, to be honest, it began about a month and a half ago. To be really honest, that's more like 14 years ago.

I made the decision to join the Canadian Forces. It was only a month and a half ago that I actually decided to take some action. Scary shit, man. I've been going back and forth, and there always seemed to be a reason to not do it. And then one day I reached the realization that I could go on forever making excuses and chickening out of applying. I have debts, what if I have some medical reason I can't join. What about the kids? Enough was enough. It was time to cowboy the fuck up and get moving. I'm not getting any younger y'know.

So... I took the plunge and did it.

5 Nov 08 (I think) I went in and picked up my application paperwork. Talked to the Sgt there for a bit and really got the feeling that I finally knew what it was I was doing with my life.

28 Nov 08 I dropped off my application, transcripts, information... all that great stuff. Was told to expect a call in 2-4 weeks.

2 Dec 08 Received a call from Cpl Brintnell (sp) that my CFAT would be 16 Dec 08! I waited a full 4 days including the weekend before they called me. That was a lot faster than I expected!

16 Dec 08 Wrote my CFAT (my goodness I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up). And then we had to fill out the drug sheet... hahahaha I signed my name, crossed out all the sections of drugs I've never done (all of them) and passed it back in. Medical and interview scheduled for 7 Jan 09 @ 1230

7 Jan 09 - so it figures there's a hellish snowstorm the day of my medical and interview. Yeesh. Medical - everything is A-OK. Medtech was a little shocked that I could walk on my tiptoes (the actual tips of my toes) That was funny. Made some comments that I was a little crunchy (ankles and knees pop). I'm V2 CV1 H1 it's all good. My hearing is fine - proof that Jamie mumbles...LOL.

Interview was weird, and rushed because Capt. Kirtz wanted to get home and out of the shitty weather, not that I blame him at all. He said that I should be going officer and finish school since I scored so high on my CFAT 52 out of 60 = 97th percentile. Yeah I'm bragging, I think I deserve to. Also, was told to be sure to call and check in on occasion as to the status of my file. Capt. Kirtz told me I could be in St. Jean shortly after Ken gets back home. It's so exciting, but I admit I'm definitely having my share of holy shit moments. But we're going to delay sending me off to St Jean until I have some time to spend with the Kenster.

Monday 12 Jan 09 I'm bringing in my vision form and have to give them the pee sample. Remember to drink some water Tanya.

100

2008-12-05T23:59:00.005-05:00

Well, I knew it was too good to last. we've gone 3 months without a fatality. Injuries yes, but no fatalities til today. We lost 3 good soldiers from 1RCR. Warrant Officer Robert John Wilson, Cpl. Mark Robert McLaren, and Pte. Demetrios Diplaros. It's upsetting to say the least. Even if I didn't know them personally, it's just like losing a family member. My heart breaks for their families, comrades and loved ones. I haven't heard from Ken as of yet, surprised I haven't received a phone call from my mother in-law asking about it. So I don't know how he's faring, if he's at his camp or if he's in KAF going to the ramp ceremony. I'm thinking of driving down to a random overpass on the Highway of Heroes to pay my respects. Seems to be the right thing to do.

Rest easy boys, you've done your job.

HLTA ... not sure how I feel sometimes.

2008-11-15T12:36:00.002-05:00

Well, Ken's HLTA is coming up soon. I'm excited/ nervous/ a little apathetic about the whole thing. I mean, I'm looking forward to him being home for a few weeks. But I'm also kind of meh, because I'll just get used to having him home, and he'll have to go back. There's a lot of stuff I want to talk to him about - but I don't know if A. we'll have the time, or B. if it will cause more problems.

I almost wish he wasn't coming home. I could just continue my countdown to his homecoming date and I would be happy. I miss him, but honestly, we've been apart for almost a year now and I'm pretty used to being by myself. I hate it, but I'm used to it.

deployments suck

My granddad

2008-10-23T12:42:00.003-04:00

Joseph LaTulippe circa 1914 (WW1) can't identify the uniform right off - but I'm hoping to find someone who can. The writing on the matting says something, Chatham, NB. So I'm assuming he was with a unit from New Brunswick - I'm guessing the cap and collar badges are from recruit school graduation. I am also guessing he was with the RCR from the old VRI brass uniform buttons we had in his old trunk. I wish we still had all that stuff, but my brothers got rid of everything when my mom died.

deployment diary - Entry 5 - urgh suckiness

2008-10-22T17:19:00.002-04:00

I don't even want to think about it. I know it's going to happen, no matter how much I pray that it doesn't. And what sucks the most is I know that I or someone I know is going to be affected by this.

sucks.........and I'm not saying any more than that at the risk of tempting fate.

Post-election Ambivalence.

2008-10-17T20:00:00.003-04:00

Well, it's as I figured, though not as I had hoped. Another Conservative minority. But at least now, they're a good chunk stronger this go round with 143 seats. Which means the Libs are that much weaker.

Still, I have a sneaky suspicion that we'll end up heading to the polls again soon - and that will just piss me off royally.

Another thing that ticks me off - 41% of the people in this country who are able to vote didn't. I don't get it. People in other countries are literally DYING for the right to vote and we take it for granted. Voter apathy is a pathetic illness in my opinion and something that should be quelled. For instance -and this is just crazy Tanya talking- all those "non-voters" who are tapping into all our wonderful social programs, should be cut off. And don't tell me they don't know who votes and who doesn't. That's why they have voter registration. Seriously. Wouldn't you go out and vote if you knew that your source of income would be cut off if you didn't? Makes sense to me.
For the rest of the non-voters, holding back certain things like tax refunds or making it impossible to renew your driver's license/ passport/ whatever. Let there be a consequence to non-voters. It's almost impossible to have equal representation if only a percentage of people go out to vote.

How would I fix it? It's not hard really. Make it as easy as possible for people to vote. One way of doing this would be to have an online vote available. Makes it easy for those who work during the day because they wouldn't have to take time off. They simply log in to the Elections Canada website (for federal elections) using their SIN (one time vote) all the party platforms would be available via their websites as they are now, and then select the candidate they want to elect from their riding. Of course the standard method of voting would still be in place, for those who don't have a computer/ Internet connection. We could also go the American / Canadian Idol way and do a phone in vote, again, using your SIN as a password. Then select a numbered choice and press # for confirmation. The only problem with this method would be people that use cellphones or VoIP for their main phone line...... maybe this is something that should be discussed with EC. The only problem that they may have with it is the fact it might reduce the number of employees they need. Darn, saving taxpayer dollars. What a shame.

It's that time again.....

2008-10-13T21:31:00.002-04:00

Someone sneezed, so off to the polls we go!

Now. To the matter at hand. Tomorrow is election day. It is vitally important that everyone votes. It'd be even better if everyone voted Conservative. But who am I to thrust my political views on others? Well, I'm the author of this blog, for one. Hey, I've done my research on all the candidates and I like to think that I know my stuff. Here's what I've surmised....

The Bloc Quebecois - completely irrelevant to EVERYONE outside Quebec. If nothing else all they succeed in is wasting votes that could go to a national party. I just feel like they're a completely superfluous party. They will never have the ability to run the country or even be the official opposition for that matter. Never mind the fact that they're separatist. Sheesh.

The Green Party - fab*u*lous! How effective is a political party when it's own leader can't get elected in her own riding? Mind you, she is going up against the Hon. Peter McKay. He's a popular guy and has kept the people in his riding pretty happy over the years.

Back to Ms. May, I don't agree with her stance on the military at all. Wanting to send us back 20 years to the joke that the Canadian Forces was in the 80s with her planned reduction in the Defense budget. She doesn't say it outright on her website, but you get her drift when reading about her intentions with regard to the Afghanistan mission. That's not somewhere I want to see MY CANADA go. I am all for the environment, but Ms. May seems to have forgotten, in all her tree hugging glory, that all important element - balance. I believe it's vitally important to have a well rounded government. Which is not going to happen under the Green party.

The NDP - Are you fucking kidding me??? I'd sooner see the Greens in power than these taliban hugging fuckers. Jack Layton and the rest of his communist ilk would sooner sit down at the kitchen table with Mullah Mohammed Omar to negotiate (watch out you don't get an axe to the head Mr. Layton, those taliban aren't too friendly to us westerners). Smart idea there. And his immigration policy is basically a swinging door for any one, and I mean ANYONE, to sponsor someone into this country. Are you kidding me Jack? For real? So if Mohammad Momin Khawaja's taliban/ Al Qaeda friendly family wanted to sponsor one of his buddies Mr. Layton would be A-OK with them setting up shop right here, in my backyard??? Thanks but no thanks.

Sure, Jack's got a nice idea with his catastrophic drug plan. But how about a better idea - instead of putting the onus on all taxpayers to foot the bill for peoples life saving drugs and apparatus, how about making it mandatory that ALL employers offer group insurance to all employees full, part-time and contracts? Implementing that bill would be a hell of a lot less taxing (pun intended) on the Canadian public than his current plan.

The Liberal Party - Where the hell do I start with this one? Well, there's the 13 years they were in power and did not deliver on ONE single election promise they made. They said they'd eliminate the GST. Never did. They essentially raped the Canadian Forces budget to the point in the early 90's where they were buying people out of their contracts and offering early retirement packages. What the fuck? What Western country has ever done that? When was the last time we got new equipment? Those British Subs? What about those helicopters that Mulroney ordered? Oh yeah Chretien cancelled the deal costing the country billions in legal fees, then Martin re-ordered the exact same choppers we originally ordered under a new name so as not to attract attention from the unwitting public. I won't even touch the Ad-scam debacle. I can't even fathom how people still have no problems voting for these people.

And then there's Stephane Dion. I don't even know where to start with this one. How does that man plan to lead the country? With Bob Rae on one side and Michael Ignatieff on the other? Shall we touch on the tragedy that was his CTV interview? There's just no excuse for his complete lack of preparation for a simple question. Need I remind anyone of the fact that he's been thumping his chest saying that Harper doesn't have a plan. A little hypocritical and a whole lot funny that he doesn't seem to have one either, yet still plans to go ahead with his carbon tax plan. Awesomeness.

The Conservatives - I won't lie. I support the Conservative party. I agree with a great number of their stances. Not all for sure. I am Pro-choice, and am totally cool with gay marriage. That being said, I'm not sure I agree with their viewpoint on Afghanistan either. I don't know whether the PMs statement that most of our troops will be withdrawn in 2011 is something we could count on or if it's just a cheap grab at votes from those that don't support the mission. But I will say that this government has done more for the CF than any in the past 2 decades.

I will say though, since 2006, the Conservatives have lowered the GST from 7% to 5%, and increased the amount of money we can make before being taxed. Plus, they've increased defense spending - which incidentally works out well for me.

What??? You didn't think my tirade wouldn't have biased slant did you? Like any other Canadian, I really only vote for what's best for me and my family.

Bahahahahahaha

But don't take my word for it - I'm sure you've got time to skim their websites (click on their names) before you go vote on Tuesday.

deployment diary - Entry 4

2008-10-13T19:44:00.002-04:00

Day 45. X days to go. **what's on my mind today**

Finally heard from Ken - after almost a month of not hearing his voice, he managed to call. So hopefully this means he'll be able to call more often. Though I'm not counting on it.

It's been a weird couple weeks for me. I can't even wrap my head around the fact that we're halfway through October. This deployment is flying by. I've been keeping busy. Playdates, meeting with some great ladies from TMW and just hanging out with the kidlets.

Still, I have good days and bad days. I think that's pretty normal. It's hard not to be lonely at 2am when you have a raging case of insomnia and no one to poke and say "hey, you awake?" God I miss that. :-D

Today was Thanksgiving, aka turkey day, aka day of the neverending dishes. Had a very yummy supper and enough leftovers for sandwiches AND soup. :) ahh the mundane.

From what Ken tells me - things are going to get very "interesting" now that Ramadan is over. Great. Love hearing that. IEDs, random gunfire, general violence - that's special. True, he rarely leaves camp - but that doesn't make me feel any more secure. The taliban sure as hell don't care where they are. Urgh. Ah well, I'll keep clinging to the mantra that no news is good news and in the meantime, send out positive thoughts for all those whose loved ones are facing danger.

blessed be

The things we fear the most....

2008-10-03T14:22:00.003-04:00

It's taken me a few days to get over the initial shock... but on Wednesday, 24 September, 2008 a fellow military bride Stacey Hrvatin aka Stacey081184 lost the love of her life to a suicide bomber in Iraq.

Capt. Mike Medders was loved, admired, and respected by all who knew him. And though I never had the pleasure of meeting Mike or Stacey, news of his death struck me deeply.

Stacey is one of us. A military wife, girlfriend, fiancee. She is our sister. And we are all in mourning for her.

It's a hard thing, hearing of yet another loss. Harder still, when it hits so close to home. Every emotion goes through you in a moment. Horror, Fear, Grief, Anger, even, selfishly, Relief. Relief in knowing that your husband/ fiance/ boyfriend is safe. But then comes the guilt. In just thinking, thank god mine is safe. Knowing that she is burying her fiance today. The man she loved most in this world. The mere thought is heartbreaking.

Picking out a sympathy card for Stacey was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Standing in the card shop, nothing I found seemed to convey what I wanted to say to her. How do you tell someone that you're sorry for their loss, such a huge loss, without sounding trite? Every card had me tearing up. Thankfully I finally found one. Short and sweet, and I was able to write in my own sentiment. I can't imagine being in her shoes, and I pray everyday that I never will be.

It's just hard.

Stacey, if you ever get to read this, I am so so so sorry. All I want to do is give you a big hug. I know nothing can bring Mike back to you. I know you have people close to you to lean on, and that's the best thing in the world.

************************************************************************************

I don't know how you deal with a loss like this. I honestly don't. The only thing I can think is to have people you can talk to. Be it a close friend, a psychologist/ psychiatrist, a member of the clergy in your parish, your family doctor. Other than that - have someone with you who is on an even keel to help you make decisions. During a time of extreme grief is not the time to make major decisions - especially financial ones. One more thing. It is perfectly acceptable to go and be away from people if you feel the need to. Just don't make yourself into a hermit. I don't really have any other advice.

Blessed be.

Erm - follow up to yesterday's post

2008-09-21T13:00:00.001-04:00

In my haste to finish my post yesterday - I guess I only touched on one aspect of relationship failure - in terms of the military.

Like any relationship, military relationships have their stressors. It's truly unfair to blame only one side of the relationship for the failure. *exception being if one of the parties cheats. I don't think there's any excuse for that - regardless if it's the military member or the spouse. Keep it in your damn pants people.

Lots of things happen that can cause a relationship to fail. A lot of that has to do with communication - or lack thereof. And that's a shame.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where there are serious problems in your relationship, I strongly suggest seeking counselling. Most MFRC's or FRG's will have a listing of therapists or counsellors you can get in touch with - or at the very least they will be able to point you in the right direction.

...end tangent.

deployment diary - Entry 3

2008-09-20T13:41:00.004-04:00

He's been gone almost a month now - time has really flown so far. Some days it feels like he just left, and others it feels like he's been gone forever. Of course, that may have more to do with the fact that he was off in Petawawa for training since January and I only ever saw him on weekends and some extended breaks.

Sometimes I wonder about my own sanity - I mean, not only did I marry into the military (or the MOB as my husband and his friends like to call it) - but I'm going to join myself. Just - wow. But I am looking forward to it. It's just going to be a bit of a shock for me that's all.

You know, it's kind of crazy, but reading a headline that says "A Canadian Soldier Killed....." just sucks all the air out of the room now. Even though I know it's not mine, it's someone else's loved one and it hurts the same. I feel for everyone who has a deployed loved one. That fear is so tangible when they are gone. I don't know about anyone else, but I keep going over scenarios in my head of what would happen if the worst DID happen. Morbid? Maybe. I like to think I'm just steeling myself in case the unlikely occurs.

Doesn't help much when he sends out emails detailing how he can see/ hear IEDs going off only a few blocks from his camp - or a raging gun battle outside the compound walls - or that a convoy got shot up (AK fire only, so not AS much to worry about - if there is such a thing). No need to worry, he tells me, unless it's a RPG attack. Gee dear, that makes me feel SOOOO much better.

Last Saturday (a week ago) I went to a birthday party for a friend's little guy. It was nice. I had a good time catching up with some friends I hadn't seen in a while. Got the requisite, "how are you doing?" and some idle chitchat. After a while though, I started noticing all the dads/ husbands that were there too - and I became keenly aware of how alone I really was. I just felt really out of place and alone. Then it started - my eyes started stinging, and I felt that pounding ache in my chest - I knew I had to get out of there. Fortunately, there was only half an hour left of the party so I didn't feel too bad about leaving. I gathered the baby and our gear up, said my goodbyes and left. Made it all the way to the car (a whopping 20 feet) before the tears started. Got the baby buckled into his seat, and had a little meltdown in the driver's seat. I'm glad no one
was out on the deck at that moment. I was so lonely, and it's just not the same when all your friends are civillians. They don't get it, and never could. How could they, the only frame of reference they can come up with is if their husbands go away on business for a few days. Shit, I could do a few days standing on my head. And I don't want to say that to them and sound condescending - and I know it would. It's just that we have different "normal"s. For me - their normal is a fantasy land. Something I can dream about wistfully and laugh about at the same time. Because I know that not everyone can hack this. It's true. Lots of marriages have failed because the spouse just couldn't handle the separation and always coming second to the Flag. But that's life. I think you have to be pretty comfortable with being by yourself and fairly independant to be married to the military. Not saying that I enjoy being alone, that's stupid, if I enjoyed being alone, why get married? I'm just saying that learning to cope with the demands of the military is the best thing you can do as a person whose loved one is in the military. Live the adventure!

Well, 3 weeks down, X weeks to go. X = I don't know how many weeks to go, since we don't have a specified end date yet. Isn't that fabulous????? I LOVE the CF!

deployment diary - Entry 2

2008-08-30T12:23:00.003-04:00

Well, he's gone.

Should be where he's going now. So now I sit and wait. Wait for the phone call or email where he says "hi dear, I'm here, I'm ok - love you" and that will most likely be the extent of that first email.

MIL called me yesterday, and that, wore on my nerves more than Ken leaving. She started asking if he left, and that he never called her blah blah blah. Then she asked how I was doing and when I told her I was ok. She was all "well, you're a lot stronger than I am kiddo" and she starts bawling her eyes out. Now, I will admit, I am not the most sensitive person on the planet. I had no idea what to say to her at all. Not that it mattered since she was sobbing so bloody hard into the phone. I really hope she doesn't expect me to be a crying mopey mess throughout this deployment; because it just is not going to happen.

On a happier note, today I'm going to start a craft for Ken that the kids and I can work on while he's gone.

deployment diary - entry 1

2008-08-23T18:32:00.004-04:00

ok, so Ken hasn't left yet. But he's going to. Soon..... ugh.

My mood today, ok. we just got back from the family day thing put on by the MFRC for the National Capital Region. We all had fun. Sean played in the splash pad and got soaked. What a little peanut! He's so funny. Jamie ate himself sick. And we won stuff. Ken won a tent, I won a camp chair and Jamie won a magnetic calendar. Super nifty prizes. Now Jamie can camp out in the back yard whenever.

Will upload photos shortly.

My mood yesterday, not so good. I'm in that downward spiral that can only be stopped by a phone call or email telling me he's safe and sound. And he hasn't even left my sight yet. I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. Right now I hate everything.

Hopefully everything will stay ok - and all will be well. Don't need any knocks on the door.

gah.

deployment diary

2008-06-26T12:57:00.003-04:00

going to start one of these things eventually - not yet though - it's too soon.

new look

2008-06-26T12:34:00.003-04:00

I'm tinkering with photoshop and the template design thing. We'll see how I like it once it's done.

So you're posted (How to move with the military with your sanity and most of your possessions intact)

2008-05-15T23:00:00.001-04:00

Having done the military move thing once already - I certainly don't feel that I'm an expert. But I have learned quite a few things the hard way.

1. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS keep your eye on the people packing your stuff. Our packers packed our move package even though we told them repeatedly not to. Also, we had items stolen. If possible, have some friends come over to help keep an eye on them. Better to assume they'll steal from you than assume they won't.

2. If there is anything you own that you would be devastated to lose - take it with you. My mom's pyrex mixing bowl (major sentimental value) was broken into thousands of pieces and I was crushed. So anything, photos, knick knacks, things with major sentimental or monetary value (jewelry and such). Just pack it up and take it with you.

3. Itemize everything. You can start a database, or just start a running list in an excel spreadsheet on your computer. It's best if you organize it room by room. That way you won't be so overwhelmed. Taking photos as well of the condition of your items helps if they get damaged.

4. Have some beverages on hand for the movers. They're going to be there the better part of the day and it's a nice thing to do. And if you feed them, they don't have to leave for lunch. Meaning they'll be done and out of your hair faster.

5. If you are driving to your next posting destination (I recommend as it's easier to take all the stuff with you that you need) pack the car before the packers get there. And anything you don't want them to pack put in a container outside. They will literally pack everything in their path.

6. Be persistant that they DO THEIR JOB and put boxes where they belong. Some movers will try to lump everything into one room and have you unpack and do it all yourself. It is their job to unpack your stuff, and place things in the proper locations. (ie/ kitchen box in kitchen, not basement).

7. When travelling with pets, you may want to kennel your animal for the days when the movers come to deliver your HG&E and you are unpacking. This is a harrowing enough time, without having to worry about Miss Kitty or Ringo your beagle. Be sure to make it up to them with lots of snuggles and (healthy) treats. Also, take small pets in a carrier with you in the car a few times well before the move to gauge their reaction... save $$ and makes the pet feel more secure... cover the carrier with a towel so they don't get stressed.

8. At your new place, decide whose room is whose before the movers arrive and label it as such. You can even go a step further and go label crazy by marking out exactly where you want everything (dressers, beds, chairs, etc) to go. Makes it a lot easier on the movers if they know exactly where you want stuff, and makes it easier on you in that you don't have to go and rearrange everything once they're gone.

9. On the road trip to your new place - have a package of baby wipes in the car for the trip, if you have a long drive... you might need a quick refresher. I recommend huggies natural care - they're fragrance free and they don't get sticky (and stinky) like the pampers ones.

10. If you are moving into base housing, be sure on your march-in inspection you write down every defect, scratch, hole, etc.. on the inspection sheet or else they may try to hit you up for the damages when you move out.

11. If you are moving out of base housing, make sure that you clean everything. You never know how fastidious your inspector is going to be so it's always best to scrub it down to the point you literally would eat off the floor. Just don't actually eat off the floor - that'll just make more mess for yourself.

Living the Life...... part 1

2008-05-15T21:29:00.000-04:00

Military life brings all sorts of new and exciting challenges.

In this chapter we'll discuss things you should do and know once you are officially a military spouse.

Things you should do immediately upon getting married: (Canada)

- have your spouse fill out all the proper forms
(Next of Kin change, if you were common law, have the status updated to married, if not common law previously - have marital status form filled in accurately - especially if he was married before, and the Memorial Cross medal form filled out)
- have spouse enrol you in PSHCP (Public Service Health Care Plan) and CF Dependants Dental Plan
- get your dependant's ID
- get a POA

Things you should do immediately upon getting married: (US)

- have your spouse fill out all the proper forms
-get entered into DEERS/Tricare
- get a base decal for your car
- get a POA
-get your dependants ID

How to roll with the punches in a military lifestyle.

Change is the only constant thing in the military. Expect it, LOTS of it. Eventually you will learn to embrace the change. Sometimes it's easier to look at it as an adventure. Plans will change, vacations will be cancelled last minute, he may or may not get to be there for the birth of one or all of your children. It's just a hard part of this life.

I'd like to mention something about when they go on TDy (Temporary Duty), or are deployed or whatever. The living conditions are not the best. Complaining about his living conditions isn't going to change the fact. If they're in a particularly humid area, they will be dealing with mold and mildew. They will not be sleeping on 300+ thread count sheets. And they will NOT have a private bathroom. In fact, the only thing private in the military is the rank.

And while we are discussing rank, no one cares what rank your spouse is. It's his rank, he earned it, you didn't just by marrying him. I will tell you now, there is nothing in this world worse than a military spouse that wears their spouses rank. His job and rank have nothing to do with you and does NOT affect your social status one iota. Those who think it does are sad individuals indeed.

Oh dear lord.... The D word

2008-05-14T20:15:00.000-04:00

Let's face it, deployments suck. And according to the MFRC a deployment is defined as any time the member is away from home for 30 days or more. If that is the case, my DH has been deployed a LOT.

Here I'm going to outline some common deployment related questions. Read on!

1. How do you deal with deployment?

Stay busy!! Pick up a new hobby, read all the books you haven't had time to read, spend time with friends, get in shape. Just find something to avoid sitting on the couch thinking about how much you miss him!

2. What can I send to SO while deployed?

Pretty much anything, excluding alcohol, porn, and pork (if they are in a Muslim country - pork isn't halal). Some ideas include, photos of you and your kids (real or fur covered if you got 'em), snacks, little toys ( squirt guns, frisbees, nerf anything), books & magazines, replacement socks & undies, anything they request specifically (they know what they are and are not allowed to have).

3. How do we prepare for his upcoming deployment?

Realize that fighting is normal, and with that in mind sit down and talk about how you both are feeling; fears, concerns, plans for leave, etc. Also realize that he may not be able to talk to you as often as either of you would like. Discuss how you want to communicate before he goes. Do you want to know everything that's going on with him? Does he want to know everything that's going on back home? How does he want you to deal with his family? You know your SO best, and once you've discussed the aforementioned points you'll know how to handle things as they come up. Also, make a plan for when something goes wrong - it inevitably will, something will break or need your immediate attention. Having a plan so you know how to deal with it makes things a lot easier if problems arise.

4. He's deploying - will he get to come home on leave at all?

If he's Canadian, YES, he will get leave. Usually at the midpoint of the tour they get HLTA and can either come home, or you can meet him somewhere. Whatever you both decide. They normally get 15 days of leave plus travel time.

If he's American, it all depends on the length of the deployment. Normally they do not get R&R unless they are on a deployment that is 12 months in length or longer. Yes, I know it sucks. They should get leave for shorter deployments as well, but I don't write leave policy for the USDoD.

5. How often can they contact you when deployed?

This all depends on where he is deployed to. And what kind of unit he is with. If he's on a Sub, expect communication to be few and far between. If he's on a ship, he may have easier access to communication (either satellite phone or email). If he's on a static base for the duration of his deployment he most likely will have a decent amount of communcation time. I remember DH's last deployment I would get a call every Monday night, it was the highlight of my week. However, if he's in the field the majority of his deployment, don't expect regular comm. He can't call you from the field for a variety of reasons.

Also, I would like to touch on comms blackouts. If anything happens over there (attack on the camp, a death, or other major critical event) the communications systems will be blacked out. These can happen at anytime, sometimes they are given a 1 minute warning, others there is no warning and the phone can go dead, or you won't get email/ phone calls from him until the blackout is lifted.

6. What is a care package? And what can I send him?

A care package is something you send to your SO to cheer him up or send him items he needs or can use to stay busy during down time. You can send him pretty much anything. (see question 2)

7. I'm thinking of getting boudoir pics done for him, will I be able to send those?

I wouldn't send those. If you are going to do this - do it BEFORE he leaves - and give them to him to take with him beforehand. You really don't want to risk those getting lost in the mail. Or falling into the wrong hands.

8. FI/DH is going on a deployment. What can I do for him while he's gone?

Be supportive. He is away from home and everything he knows and loves. Send cards and care packages. You can send emails updating him on mundane goings on, and he would like to read about your day to day life. Send lots of pictures too- they can never have enough! If you're out shopping and see something he would get a kick out of or enjoy, drop it in the next care package you send. Anything to keep him busy or take his mind off of being far from home helps.

9. What if the unspeakable happens? How will I know?

If you're married, and he has filled out all the proper paperwork, you will be the first to know. There will not be a phone call. A pair of Officers will come to your home to notify you in person. It's not something anyone ever wants to have happen, but something we must all prepare ourselves for.

That being said, if you are NOT married, you will not be the first to know, as his next of kin will most likely be listed as his parents. In Canada, if you sign a Statutory Declaration stating that you are living as Common Law husband and wife, then you will be considered his next of kin and be notified in person. In the US you MUST be LEGALLY MARRIED to be considered his next of kin. Otherwise you will not get that notification first hand.

Let's just hope we never have to deal with this.

Training Questions

2008-05-09T13:29:00.000-04:00

For you lovely ladies that get to be there from the very start - I've compiled a few common questions with regard to training.

1. My FI is leaving for boot camp, how often will we be able to talk?

His time is going to be primarily taken up with class time, exercises, and time out in the field. He will be very busy for the duration of time he is in basic. That being said, he may have time at the end of the day for a brief phone call. Before he leaves, you should discuss a time he could call (if possible - there will be times he won't be able to). Expect him to only be able to call once per week at best. If he can call more than that, so much the better.

2. Will my FI get leave while he's at basic?

NO, in the sense that he won't be able to take a break from his training. In the Canadian Forces (CF) there is a 4 week indoctrination period where recruits aren't permitted to leave the base. After that weekends are the only time off recruits will have. And that time is a privilege that can be taken away if performance is not up to standard. There is a SMALL possibility that if Christmas occurs during his training he may get to come home for Christmas. But with anything in the military, don't count on it. And from what my US counterparts tell me - it is very similar in the US.

3. FI/DH is going to basic. What can I do for him while he's gone?

You can write to him, they're not really allowed to get anything else. And number your letters - sometimes they don't arrive in the order they were sent.

4. What if he gets hurt during basic? Or worse?

If he gets hurt, he will be taken to the base hospital and treated. He will then be put into a holding platoon until he is able to resume his training. If he is able to call you himself he will do that. Otherwise, his command will contact his next of kin (if you are not married, that will likely be his parents). If he is mortally wounded during training (extremely rare occurence) his next of kin will be contacted as I said before. Only in this instance, notification will come in the form of a personal visit from one of the officers from the unit.

5. How long will he be gone?

That's a hard question to answer, as training can vary. Especially if he is leaving for his trades training right after basic. In the CF basic training (BMQ) lasts approximately 13 weeks. After that the recruit goes on to their initial trades training (QL3's - qualification level 3), which can last anywhere from 8 weeks and up.

Marching down that aisle.

2008-05-07T18:05:00.000-04:00

With any wedding comes LOADS of questions. Will we get married on base or in a civilian church? Can the guys in uniform wear boutonnieres? And what the heck is that Sabre Arch all about anyway? Then there are the more serious questions. He's training ALL. THE. TIME. when are we going to be able to pull this off? Will we get a honeymoon? How do I get on base without an ID? How do I address invitations to military personnel? Totally viable questions, and we hear them all the time.

Your answers;

Will we get married on base or in a civillian church?

This is entirely up to you. It may make more sense for you to do it in a civillian church, so that you don't have to go through the hassle of getting passes for everyone to get on base. I got married on base, but I had no issues as the base chapel is located in front of the main gate. All bases vary.

Can the guys in uniform wear boutonnieres?

Technically, they can. Etiquette, however, dictates that boutonnieres are not worn when in uniform. (Besides, who needs a boutonniere, when you have a chest full of medals?)

What the heck is the Sabre Arch?

A Saber Arch is a US military tradition sometimes performed at the weddings of service members, wherein the newly married bride and groom pass under an honorary arch of sabers. It originated with the United States Cavalry.
The tradition varies slightly among the different branches of the U.S. Armed Forces and is considered a privilege accorded to members of the service. Usually, officers or NCOs form the arch with sabers or swords respectively.

Immediately after the marriage ceremony is officiated, usually but not always in a building such as a church or chapel, the saber team positions itself in formation just outside the doorway, with typically six or eight saber bearers taking part. The guests of the wedding are afforded the opportunity to assemble outside to view the event before it begins.
On the command, the saber team raises their sabers into a high arch, with tips nearly touching and the blades facing up and away from the bride and groom. As the newly married couple exits the building, the senior usher announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you (Rank) and Mrs. (Full name of the groom)." If it is bride who is the service member and the husband is civilian, or if both members are in the military, the announcement is modified accordingly.
The bride and groom proceed into the arch, and as the couple passes through, the last two saber bearers usually lower the sabers in front of the couple, detaining them momentarily. Before releasing the couple, the saber bearer to the couple's left gives the bride a gentle swat on her backside with his saber, announcing "Welcome to the Army!" or the appropriate branch of service. If the bride herself is in the military, this step is omitted. After the couple leaves the arch, the saber team recovers on command and dissolves formation.
Only the bride and groom pass under the arch. It is also traditional at the wedding reception for the wedding cake to be cut with a saber or sword.

He's training ALL. THE. TIME. when are we going to be able to pull this off?

If you're not sure if your FI will be there, then wait on the big ceremony. You can always JOP and have a ceremony later.

Many ladies here JOP'ed. Some JOP'ed in order to get things rolling with the military side of things such as BAH, insurance, and so forth. This way they didn't worry about all this right after the big ceremony when they were moving. Or for whatever reason. Be sure to check with your pastor and make sure he will do the ceremony if you already married.

He's deploying a month after the wedding will we get a honeymoon?

You more than likely will not get your honeymoon with him getting ready to deploy. During this time he will be preparing through training and gathering all his belongings, not to mention taking care of other paperwork to make sure you are taken care incase of an emergency.

How do I get on base without an ID? Can I get it before we get married?

He would need to sign you in, and you'd have to show some other identification to get on base. You cannot get your dependant ID before you are married.

How do I address the invitations to miltary personnel?

The proper etiquette for addressing invitations for military personnel is as follows

Officer - Male who is active duty or retired from the service
General and Mrs. Dean Henry
General and Mrs. Henry

Officer - Female who is active duty or retired from the service
Captain Sue Koran, U.S. Army Mr. Anthony James
Lieutenant Koran Mr. James

Correct use of Military Rank on wedding invitations
Navy:

Ensign and higher rank

*bride*

to Paul David Brooks Ensign, United States Navy

Petty Officers and Seamen

*bride*

to Paul David Brooks, United States Navy

Army, Air Force and Marines:

Captain or Higher Rank

*bride*

to Captain Paul David Brooks, United States Army

Lieutenant
*bride*

to Paul David Brooks Lieutenant, United States Army

Non-Coms. and Privates

*bride*

to Paul David Brooks United States Army

***if the bride is also in the military you would include the same information as you would the groom.

**** for Canadian Forces members you would simply put Canadian Forces and Branch instead of US (branch)

... but what do we wear?

2008-05-07T16:29:00.000-04:00

There's a common misconception that the bridesmaids and groomsmen MUST match the groom if he is in his uniform. This could not be further from the truth, regardless of whether the groom is wearing his Mess Kit (Canadian), Dress Blues, Dress Whites, or Regular Uniform.

The most common questions regarding wedding attire are as follows:

1. If my FI is wearing his dress uniform what do the rest of the groomsmen wear?

Honestly, whatever you want them to. If they are all military they can wear their uniforms - as long as they all have the same degree of formality. Likewise, if they are civillian or if they prefer to opt not to wear their uniform as long as their attire all has the same degree of formality there shouldn't be any issue. There's no need to "match" the uniform.

2. Will my cream dress match my FI's dress whites?

Your cream dress will look perfectly fine with your FI's dress whites. When people look at your FI's uniform they will see just that a uniform. Your colors will not will clash.

3. What color BM dresses should I have to match my FI's uniform?

Whatever color you want. I've never seen a color that looks bad with the uniform. If you WANT to match, red always looks great with the uniforms.

4. What do dress uniforms and tuxes look like together?

This is along the same line as question #1. It is actually a nice mix. I've even seen different branches in the same wedding along with guys in tuxes and it still looks really good.

OPSEC

2008-05-07T15:45:00.002-04:00

This is your friendly OPSEC reminder!
For those of you who may be new to the military lifestyle, this post is for you! =) Even though you may be sick to death of learning the endless acronyms, OPSEC is one that you not only must know, but you must live by.
What does OPSEC mean? OPSEC stands for "Operations Security," and is an analytic process used to deny an adversary information - generally unclassified - concerning our intentions and capabilities by identifying, controlling, and protecting indicators associated with our planning processes or operations. OPSEC does not replace other security disciplines - it supplements them (taken from ioss.gov).
In plain English--OPSEC means being aware that what you're saying on public chat boards could potentially be seen by the wrong eyes--so you need to be aware! The information that is often used against us is not classified information; it is information that is openly available to anyone who knows where to look and what to ask--so it is our job to keep that information off the internet! DO NOT POST DATES, LOCATIONS, UNIT NUMBERS, NAMES, SPECIFICS ABOUT TRAINING MISSIONS or OPERATIONS, etc!!!!
Even if what you're posting may seem ridiculously insignificant to you, it may be the exact piece of missing information that someone is looking for. Just remember that no one needs to know those specifics but YOU.
Be smart--be vague!!! If your DH is deployed and you're seeking comfort, state just that; there's no need to say "My DH has been gone for 17 days and won't be home for another 213 days..." Or another example: "My FI will be home from Afghanistan in 33 days, I'm so excited!!"--huge OPSEC violation! All you need to say is this- "My DH will be home soon, I can't wait!"
And remember, if someone asks you a question to be more specific, you do NOT have to answer. Simply reply with "Sorry, that's just too much information to be giving on a public chat board."

Welcome!

2008-05-07T15:38:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Dogtags and Wedding Bells.
No doubt you've been referred here from theknot.com, or even thenest.com's Military brides/ newlywed's forums. Or you may have stumbled upon this little blog of mine by googling something to do with marrying the military.

Hopefully, I'll be able to take you through the ins and outs of what you need to know. I've gathered a lot of information from a vast wealth of knowledge aka my MB's, and personal experience.

Read the articles, check out the links, and enjoy!

Cheers! Lil_T

Dogtags and Wedding Bells

Wow. It's been a while.

In other news....

Back and forth....

Yay!

MEL's, physio, leaving again.

....and I Raaaaan

A Change Will Do You Good!!

81 days to go.

Who's the real hero here?

Questioning myself and feeling a little lost.

.......And I'm back!

Happy Birthday Ma.

Well, here we are....

Gory details... and photos!

Again with the taking forever to post

Ortho update.

... wait, is that a light?

Soup Sandwiches.....

Sweet success

hmmm self fulfilling prophecy much?

Thank God for Google!

So I'm Really Doing This.....

Eleven and 23

Finally!!

Still nothing... just minor updates

The End....

Finding comfort at WalMart

Travelling...

Application update

almost.... alllllmost.

People need to relax. Seriously.

deployment diary - Entry 7 almost there

Some pics.

Teeny update

deployment diary - Entry 6 - I'm so over this.

No sympathy.

Hmm...

Other silliness.

The things he sends me.

**little update**

The halfway mark.

...continued

And the journey begins....

100

HLTA ... not sure how I feel sometimes.

My granddad

deployment diary - Entry 5 - urgh suckiness

Post-election Ambivalence.

It's that time again.....

deployment diary - Entry 4

The things we fear the most....

Erm - follow up to yesterday's post

deployment diary - Entry 3

deployment diary - Entry 2

deployment diary - entry 1

deployment diary

new look

So you're posted (How to move with the military with your sanity and most of your possessions intact)

Living the Life...... part 1

Oh dear lord.... The D word

Training Questions

Marching down that aisle.

... but what do we wear?

OPSEC

Welcome!

little update